I haven’t blogged for a very. long. time. And there’s been good reason for that. Some of which, is I hit creative ruts sometimes and just need a break. Or I have to regroup on my content. Or I am just too plain busy. Some of this has been the case for my blogging absence. But the truth is-
I have been very, very, sad.
Due to some personal stuff I am going through with certain people that I love, I have been thrown into a world of doubt, hurt, loneliness, anger, frustration, fear, and to be honest- times of feeling totally worthless.
Now, before I go further, let me explain a few things:
1. I do not believe any of these things I have been experiencing about myself. I know satan to be a liar, a deceiver, and a manipulator and so I KNOW that none of these things are true. But it doesn’t mean the battle isn’t there.
2. None of what I’m going through has to do with Jason or my children. Marriage isn’t perfect and it’s hard work, but besides Jesus, Jason has been my rock through all of this and because of how we have handled it, our children will be unaffected. Praise the Lord!
3. I can not and will not talk in depth about what is going on. It is too deep, too personal, too hurtful and not anyone’s business. To be frank. I DO, however, have a small support system in this. I am seeking the right counsel, praying constantly, and trying to surround myself with people who can help lift me up and remind me the God is bigger than this and that healing is possible.
All that said, this has been one of the hardest times in my life. I have had moments where it’s hard to hear God’s truth, simply because satan is working overtime to try to convince me that I’m alone, that I should be afraid, that I am worthless, helpless in this, and what’s worse…. that nothing is ever going to change.
Do you ever feel like this in your life? No matter how big or small your trial, I KNOW I’m not alone here. And I know that these are lies set out by the great deceiver who hates ALL those who call Jesus Christ their King.
Which I do.
So what do you do? What have I been doing?
Crying. And I’m pregnant, so the tears fall much easier anyways.
Praying. Asking God to reveal his truths to me, to remind me that I am HIS DAUGHTER and that the lies that are coming my way are just that…. LIES. And nothing more.
Reading my bible, a LOT. And trusting, knowing and believing that God’s promises are TRUE and focusing on the fact that he promises that he will never leave me.
Even if everyone else does.
I have been taking HIS truths BACK from satan. I am NOT worthless. I am a child of God! I am NOT lonely. He’s given me SO many friends and such a support of community in my life and I am NOT alone. I am NOT helpless. I have ALL the authority in CHRIST who strengthens me to beat the evil one! I shouldn’t linger on the emotions of anger, doubt, and hurt like satan wants me to. True love casts OUT fear. God is NOT a God of confusion.
And he will work ALL things according to HIS good. And in HIS time.
That’s the hardest part. Waiting on his timing. Watching people that you love hurt, hurts. And it sucks. And sin splatters onto everyone else, I’m afraid. But I have to remind myself that even in my deepest, darkest, most hurtful hour, God is THERE. He is with me. He will protect me, sustain me, uphold me, and give me strength to make it to the end.
When satan tries to tell me that I’m worthless, I know I shouldn’t believe him. God has given me everything I need to believe in his word, and I don’t have to look very far to be reminded that I am deeply loved by a king who sent his son to die for me. For us. For all mankind. I am pursued by Jesus who so desperately wants a relationship with me- even in my darkest moments. Even when I feel abandoned by all others. And the Holy Spirit will help me, guide me, and protect me.
Satan is nothing but a coward. If he’s telling YOU right now that you’re worthless, you need to know you’re not alone. He can seem big, and scary, and huge. But let me tell you something.
My God is bigger. My God is greater. Satan can try to make you feel worthless, alone, abandoned, no good, and not worth one single thing. But he is wrong.
HE IS SO WRONG.
My friends, I am going through a lot right now. And everything will be ok. I serve a God that works ALL things for his good and he promises that. So no matter how long this road is that I have to walk, no matter how deep the pain needs to go, no matter who I need to lose in this situation- I trust him. In our deepest, darkest, most painful times, we can trust him. And we SHOULD trust him- especially when nothing makes sense.
When satan tries to tell me that I’m worthless, I stand on the Living Word and tell satan right back what exactly it is that GOD promises about me. And even when I find myself slipping and starting to believe his lies, I know- my God is greater, he’s stronger, and he’s higher than any other.
Unmoved in my faith I will fight, pray, and beg Jesus to deliver those who need deliverance. And I will trust his plan even when I can’t see further than the light that his lamp casts beneath my feet.
Photo by Stacy with Dream Photography Studio.